Watering Your Marriage

By Jenifer Metzger, Contributing Writer

One of my favorite quotes says:

The grass isn’t green on the other side. It is greener where you water and fertilize it.

Often we see friends, or even those we do not know, and become jealous of what their marriage looks like. A friend regularly posts pictures onto Facebook of the beautiful bouquets her husband surprises her with. The couple at church always sits snuggled up to one another sharing their Bible. The couple next to us at the restaurant is laughing together as they sit hand in hand. Why, oh, why doesn’t my marriage look like that!?

I am not the best with plants. I enjoying looking at them and love the the character they bring to our home, but caring for them is another story. In our home we have two plants right now. One sits in our living room and I water it regularly. The other sits on our front porch and I often forget about it. Today I noticed the one on the porch is dead. It only died because it was not cared for.

Marriage is the same way.  We must water and care for our marriage regularly. Once we place the wedding bands on each other’s fingers and the minister pronounces us man and wife, the work doesn’t stop. It has just begun.

greener grass

How do we water our marriage?

  • Date regularly. Go out on a date at least once a month. If finances are tight or you cannot find a babysitter, feed the kids an easy dinner and send them to bed a bit early, then light the candles and have a romantic dinner at home.
  • Do the things you did when you dated. When we are dating we do special things for the one we love. We take extra care with our appearance, write love notes, and day dream about our sweet one. Do those things again.
  • Remember that no one is perfect. You may see the beautiful red roses your friend posts on Facebook, but you didn’t hear the disagreement they had last week. You may see the couple in church looking cozy, but you don’t know what they struggle with at home. Everyone has flaws. No human is perfect, therefore no marriage is perfect.
  • Touch is a powerful thing. Chances are when you were dating, you and your mate loved to touch. You walked hand in hand, you sat with your arm around her shoulder. You grazed your hand across his arm as you walked by. Touch shows love without words.
  • Pray together. Praying together is vital for a marriage.

Just like we have to water our lawns and our gardens, we must ‘water’ our marriage.

What are other ways you water your marriage?




  1. Jenifer…love the quote you centered this post around. How true it is that we must “water” our marriage, like we would a plant, to keep it healthy and growing. It takes intentional attention! Thank you for the encouragement. Blessings.

  2. Yes, watering our marriage is so important for a healthy, long lasting marriage. Thanks for stopping in Naomi!

  3. Thank you for this post. What if your husband is not an affectionate person? It is so hard to continue to try to initiate affection when it is not reciprocated. I do not mean sex…I am talking about hugs, kisses, compliments, sitting together on the couch. My husband is also a man of few words. This can be a good thing at times, but in our marriage, it makes me feel neglected. My husband is a godly man, holding several positions in our church. He has a lot on his mind…I get that. But at the same time, our marriage is suffering. We have been married 23 years and I feel like we are more roommates than husband and wife.

  4. SG, oh sister, I can hear your pain. The hard part comes when we cannot change our spouse, we can only change ourselves. Begin to pray that God would show you what to do to bring this physical side out in your husband. Continue to be those things for him, even when you are tired of it not being reciprocated. Is there something in particular that he likes? Do that. Do you know his love language (touch, acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time, and gifts)? If you know his love language, speak it often! If you don’t, try to find out what it is (you can get some more info and even take a quiz here: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/).

    Please feel free to email me at jenifer@jenifermetzger.org and we can talk and pray more. In the meantime, I am praying for you and your marriage.