The Quarrelsome Wife

By Marlene Griffith, Contributing Writers

It’s important to check ourselves often so that we are not blindly sinking ourselves and damaging our communication within our marriage.

I love the book of Proverbs. It is filled with so much wisdom, and every time I read it I am so incredibly convicted and it checks my sin instantly. Very humbling!

Let’s look at some of what the book of proverbs says about dealing with a woman who is argumentative, nagging, complaining, and cranky.

Proverbs 19:13b “a wife’s quarreling is a continual dripping of rain.”

Proverbs 25:24 “it is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house with a quarrelsome wife.”

Proverbs 21:19 “it is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman”


Can you, right now list out traits of your husband that you just can’t stand? This week so far, have you started any conversation with your husband that starts with either of the following? :

  • “I told you to…”
  •  “You never….”
  •  “I can’t stand it when you…”
  • “You are so annoying when you…”

How many yes’s did you have? One, two, three…all?

Scripture instructs women to be meek, gentle and submissive not because these are character traits that come naturally to women, but because they are the exact opposite of the fallen woman’s tendency.  We are not inclined to seek out a gentle, meek and submissive heart. We want to prove to men that we can do anything they can do and probably do it better.

When it comes to our communication it ought to be:

  • Gentle and soft. Proverbs 15:1 “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
  • We must filter our words. Our words come from our thoughts. Our thoughts come from our heart. And our heart is a reflection of our relationship with the Lord.
  • In control of our words. Proverbs 10:19 “When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.”
  • Patient: James 1:19 “quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger”
  • Proverbs 12:2 “the tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly.
  • James 5:9 “do not grumble against one another, brothers, so that you may not be judged; behold, the Judge is standing at the door.”
  • Ephesians 4:32 “be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
  • Proverbs 31:26 “She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teachings of kindness is on her tongue.”

How can you begin to practice this?

It all starts with prayer. Pour your heart out to the Lord in prayer, ask Him to help you. Be diligent with your quiet time and stay in the Word.

Psalms 119: 11 “I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you”


Choose grace

Romans 6:14 “For sin shall not be master over you, for you are not under the law, but under grace”

Some other practical tips:

  • Be intentionally respectful to your husband, in a non-sarcastic-obviously-trying-to-be-respectful kind of way. But in a way that is fitting for a wife who seeks to live out the Lord’s will in every aspect of her life. It will eventually begin to come naturally to you.
  • When you catch yourself going to critique, or about to start a sentence with any negative connotation –stop right there and pray. Repent and ask the Lord to help you find words that are loving, soft, gentle, and pleasing to Him.
  • Grab a journal and write in it every time your husband does something that blesses you or anyone he encounters. For instance, my husband will often stop by the grocery store to grab a gallon of milk so that I won’t have to run out and do it. I used to see it as something he ought to be doing, but I realized – he just saved me the trip of loading up the kids into the car, to then unload them at the store, to then wait in line while they are trying to grab at everything in the checkout line, to then load them up in the car to head home, unload them when I get home and still be totally energized to have dinner ready on time.

Proverbs 31:10-11″An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her,  and he will have no lack of gain”


Do you have any practical tips or ways to bless your husband in your communication?


  1. […] I’m guest posting over at A Biblical Marriage […]