By Susan Burkepile, Contributing Writer
The bathroom mirror was painted an assortment of colors. And the costume paint lay empty, and quite wet, inside the sink.
But it took a few minutes to get a confession out of him. His little four year old brain thought he could outwit his Mama.
But I knew he would eventually confess.
I may not paint my mirror with costume paint.
But I have a confession of my own. One that drives deep into the heart of my marriage. And deep into my relationship with my Savior.
Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy. Proverbs 28:13 ESV
But before I confess, I must add some perspective. I have both severe IBS attacks and lactose intolerance. And while neither of these ailments threaten my life in any way, they do effect the chemicals that control mood – making me more susceptible to depression and anxiety. And the last couple years of my life have been met with new challenges. And yet, God has met my weakness with a beautiful display of His grace and strength. And what has been the darkest valley in my life has shone as the greatest display of His glory.
And while far too many people are aware of my struggle through depression and anxiety, only one person is aware of the financial consequence of my anxiety and depression.
When I bow in defeat, succumb to my anxious thoughts, and drown in condemnation – I loose control of our finances. I buy whatever I want. I don’t balance the checkbook. The bills stack up for months. I only pay the utilities just before they shut off our power. I constantly send for takeout for lack of a clean dish. And I ignore every issue that necessitates my intervention.
It’s really very embarrassing. I know it is irresponsible but during those times of relapse, I am not rational.At all.
And so in clean up mode, I have to rectify, reorganize and balance our finances. But most of all, I seek the forgiveness of my husband. For the added stress I put on his shoulders. And for my irresponsible stewardship of our finances.
Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. James 5:16 ESV
And now we pray.
To protect our marriage. To lay His grace and love over our lives.
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. 2 Corinthians 10:13 ESV
But I must also move into action.
- We have placed all of our bills on automatic payments so that we prevent excessive late fees during those depressive seasons of my life.
- I have clearly organized our bills, websites, and passwords so that my husband can intervene into our financial affairs when needed.
- I have removed my credit card from my wallet so that I am not using it out of convenience but only in times of careful planning or emergency.
- We have been praying for an accountability partner to keep me focused.
I am grateful for such a loving, gracefilled husband who patiently guides me through our recuperation process. And through God’s strength and wisdom, we are praying that God would guide us to enter into faithful stewardship of His finances.
That we would be trustworthy.
“‘Well done, my good servant!’ his master replied. ‘Because you have been trustworthy in a very small matter, take charge of ten cities.’ Luke 19:17