By Sarah Logan, Contributing Writer
Early in our marriage people kept asking us, “Are you still dating each other?” After repeatedly hearing this, and making it a priority to go out and do something, and after guilt started to arise we had to take a step back and consider how we best interacted.How do we like to spend time together? We’re not hobby people. Okay, I am, but not my husband! The biggest thing for us seems to be talking. Sam would say specifically ‘Sarah talking, and me listening!’ (So now I really do try to let him talk too!)
Think of peasant farmers. They barely have time or resources to dress up and go out for a nice dinner! Throughout the centuries of human history, many couples had to make do with the limited time and money they had in order to enjoy each other’s company. So if you’re not big into going out on dates, never fear. Dating can look different for you.
Once I shed the guilt of how we don’t seem to ‘date’ much I did have to examine how I was making room for ‘us time’ even though our schedules were so busy. I would love to go out on dates but it seems to be more work than it’s worth! With five kids we would have to have special arrangements for childcare (who babysits 5 kids these days?) We would have to have no interruptions while I primped and put make up on (a rare event). These things just aren’t that easy to come by for us. Do I lament it? No. I love being with Sam – no special date needed!
We have decided going to bed early is our best bet.
Not every night, but quite often (a few a week) we make an effort to get the kids in bed and then just lie in bed, in the dark, talking. This is pillow-date time. No plans. No agenda. Nothing but going over every conversation we’ve had and different issues we face. Most of the time we have time to pray together too.
It’s simple. It’s free – but for the cost of settling kids early enough. It takes discipline for me to not wander off to the living room and pick up a magazine or book or check email or facebook. These evening times are reserved for time together – as much as I want time alone, I choose to take time for myself at other times in the day, as time allows.
So, tack this onto your list of date ideas: The Pillow Date. Grab a card, mark it up with, “Pillow Date Night” and place it on your spouse’s pillow.
This post is part of our Date Your Spouse series! The contributors here at A Biblical Marriage have teamed together to bring you 30 days of intentionally dating your spouse! To read more in this series visit the series home page.