Marrying Young: The Pros & Cons

My husband and I got married at the ripe old age of 19 and 21. I had just finished my second year of college and he was heading into his senior year. And now as we head into our 5th of year of marriage we are busy chasing down our newly crawling 6th month old twin baby boys.

Getting Married Young - The Pros and Cons

I firmly believe that God calls us all into marriage at different ages. For some it’s at 19, for others it’s at 32, and some don’t get married until their 50’s! God has a special and unique plan for everyone. Some couples are not mature enough, haven’t come to the Lord yet, or are not ready to get married until later in life. Aaron shared his story with us yesterday about how he got married later in life, perfectly in God’s plans and His will!

Pros of getting married younger

One of the most beautiful things about getting married young is that we have grown up together. Our faith in the Lord has grown, we have learned how to handle money, and are now tackling what it means to be parents. The Lord has grown us up together and we wouldn’t have it any other way!

“Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth” ~ Proverbs 5:18

 

Our Daily Habits Form Together

Except for a brief 10 months of living on campus in dorm rooms, my husband and I lived at home our whole lives before getting married. We had no established routines, pickyness, or weird habits {mostly}. We didn’t have an established routine that was all our own.

When we got married we had to figure our our own habits of doing things. But we didn’t have to do it alone, we built up our daily habits together. 

I have seen a lot of older couples struggle to mesh their lives together as a married couple, when they had lived on their own for years beforehand. They have habits that were established on their own. They didn’t have to account to anyone else for their time.

But then suddenly after 10 years of freedom they are forced to live with someone totally different. Someone who leaves the toilet seat up, doesn’t pick up dishes, leaves wet towels on the ground and uses time very differently than they do. It can be a really hard adjustment.

What I love and appreciate is that God placed my husband and I together at a young age. We largely didn’t have these problems. Yes, my hubby has to have his toothpaste tube a certain way but I don’t mind because we can do these little things for each other.

Our Interests & Likes Develop Together

We have been able to discover things that we like doing as adults! We get to learn our passions together. We are able to discover that we both love to take bike rides and make it a priority to do so together and now as a family of 4!

Horseback riding together – we decided this WASN’T one of our interests ;)

By getting married young, we were able to develop habits and patterns together, and it has been an incredible blessing from God.

We Easily Share Money

My husband and I had nothing when we got married. We rented a great little one bed room apartment. We didn’t have a lot, but we didn’t need a whole lot.

We have grown into our money together. We certainly are not rich now, but compared to where we started out, it seems like it!

We have learned how to deal with money together. We learned what it means to make a budget and stick to it! We learned what it means to finally have some extra money and blow it all on eating out and to get to the end of the month with nothing to show for it. There have been hard lessons learned along the way but those lessons were always learned, hand in hand, side by side.

And most importantly, we always knew that money was both of ours. I have never felt that money was mine or his. We have always been very transparent with money with each other. We don’t have fights about money {usually}. We share it very easily {usually, there are of course occasional off days ;)}.

Getting Married Young? What are the pros and cons - Find out!

Our young wedding party!

This has created a beautiful environment of accountability and trust. They say that money is the biggest cause of strife in a marriage, and I can certainly see why this would be the case.

I am not saying that those who lived on their own for 10 years and had a great career won’t have a good marriage when it comes to money. I just know that, for us, it has made life easier. It makes me sad to hear of married couples who have separate bank accounts and don’t discuss money together. Sadly this happens often when couples get married older. If we are to be one within marriage, why doesn’t that extend to money?

The Cons of Getting Married Young

I’m ALL for getting married young – if it’s the right time for you and your honey! But I don’t think getting married young is for everyone. Many 19 year olds {especially in our culture today} are not ready to get married and they should wait until God’s perfect timing in made clear.

We didn’t have two penny’s to rub together when we were first married. We didn’t own a home. We didn’t have amazing paying jobs or huge bank accounts. Finances have been tight at times and we’ve had a lot of growing up to do {and still do}!

I think the biggest negative of getting married young is if you rush marriage and don’t make wise choices. Not everyone should get married young but marriage before 25 also shouldn’t be illegal!

Marrying at the right time

For my husband and I, the right time to get married was at 19 and 22. And while we don’t yet have 20 or 30 years of marriage under our belt, our first 4 years have been easier and happier than many marriages we know. We attribute that all to God – and following His leading for the perfect time to get married.

Comments

  1. I love this. :) I’m a fellow young married lady (I was almost 20 and he was 21), and I love it for all the reasons you mentioned! It’s not always easy, but boy is it worth it. I love just growing up together, and knowing that by the time I’m 40 I’ll have spent more of my life with my husband than without him! Plus, since we haven’t had children yet, I love that we’ll have had several years of being just the two of us before children start arriving. Don’t get me wrong, I can hardly wait to be a mommy, but this time to be just us is so precious–and we won’t get it again! :)

  2. Heather says:

    Jami, as I write this, tomorrow my husband and I (who also married at 19 and 21) celebrate our 28th wedding anniversary. And while I agree with not rushing into marriage or marrying this young for most, I am so proud and glad we did. We chose a traditional marriage, waited a few years for children, made financial decisions together (for the most part) and enjoyed knowing that we were there for each other when everything else fell away. We supported each other during trials and grew up co-mingling everything so nothing is considered “his or hers”. As I look back over our picture albums, one thing stands out. We have been “there” with each other for every major life step. Births deaths, graduations, new homes, new jobs and family celebrations. The things that matter most.

  3. Being a young bride at 20 & my husband was 21, I totally agree with you. Our story is a bit different because we finally let God into our lives recently in the last 18 months (we’re 26 & 27 now) and our family grew a bit faster than we planned, we welcomed our first son 16 months into our marriage. But I wouldn’t change a thing. We’ve learned important lessons on money, how to combine our family values & now how to place Jesus in the middle. And now that a ton of our friends are getting married, we understand why some couldn’t do what we did & we respect them for that & they give us huge credit for being able to. But waiting until 25 to get married might have kept us from ever tying the knot or staying together, we were all about sharing our lives but we knew we wanted more than what our culture deems okay for couples to do. Thank you for making me feel like we weren’t crazy or at least not the only crazy ones. :-)

  4. I definitely agree with you that it’s probably harder for two independent adults who have their own ways of doing things , have their own money and substantial possessions etc to compromise and adjust.

    But at the end of the day every individual then couple should seek and follow the will of God with regards to the timing of getting married. God time is the best – He makes all things beautiful in HIS time.

    Every blessing

  5. My husband and I were married extremely young 16 and 18. We have never looked back and have been married for almost 21 years now… Like you we had no money. I love this man more than words can say for all of the sacrifice and hard work he has put in to our lives as the only income provider to our home. We own a successful business now and have 2 beautiful children. Marrying young had it’s tough moments but I am so happy we did it!

    Blessings,
    Amy Jo

  6. Great post Jami! I love that you and your husband have such a strong bond and being married young has helped that. I think many people have strict views about the right age to get married, whether it be younger or older. I am glad that you make it a point to mention that it is about Gods timing and what is best for you. Many people need to mature before they can be fully ready for marriage. I know that I was in no place to be married at 19 or even 23. Which is why I didn’t meet my husband until I was almost 24 and we got married when I was 25. God brought us together when it was best for us. :)

  7. I agree Jaimie – It’s SO worth it! :D

  8. That’s wonderful to hear from your story when you now have 28 years under your belt :) I am so glad that my husband and I have been there for each other every step of the way! :)

  9. Praise the Lord that God has taken over your lives and your marriage! :)

    You are not the ONLY crazy ones ;) haha! We love the fact we got married young!

  10. I would imagine that could be REALLY difficult if not handled the right way. I’m so thankful we grew up together :)

    I so agree – every person and each couple – have their own path and timing from the Lord!

  11. Wow! You were married young. That’s wonderful to see how God works in everyone’s lives in different ways! :)

    I am so glad we got married young as well!

  12. I agree Ashley, I think people do get certain ideas in their heads about the “right” time to get married….but the beautiful thing is that God has a different story for everyone :)

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