Dear Wife, Your Husband is not Superman

By Shari Miller, Contributing Writer


Walking down the aisle twenty years ago, to meet the man of my dreams, I had some pretty high ideals of  what our life together would be like. I expected a marriage with no problems,  a white house with a picket fence, a couple of children, with my knight in shining armor standing right beside me, ready and able to save the day.  I expected the type of marriage that I had read about in fairy tales and seen in the movies, one where nothing bad ever happened, and where arguments were few and far between. I thought my husband would be perfect, able to know my thoughts before I did and be able to take care of me in the way I thought I deserved. Poor guy…..he didn’t stand a chance with the unrealistic expectations that I put on him.

One day many years ago, when my husband and I were having a disagreement he looked at me and said, “I am not perfect, I am just a man.” It’s as if the Lord whispered in my ear and said, “Dear Wife, Your husband is not Superman. He can not leap tall buildings in a single bound. He does not have magic powers to read your thoughts. He can not save your world from all its problems. You are getting my design for marriage backwards. Your husband is not their to serve you. Your role is to be help, love and support your husband.”

For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.”  ~ 1 Corinthians 11:8-9 (NIV)

The problem was not with my husband…the problem was with my way of thinking. I wanted my husband to be my all, when in reality Christ is the only one who should have been my all. It was a wake up call for me to realize that my thought process had to change from the world’s way of thinking to God’s way of thinking.

 “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” ~ Romans 12:2 (NIV)

In accepting and acting upon my role as wife, not only was I serving my husband, but I was also serving the Lord. I was relaxing and letting go of what I thought should be and starting to embrace and enjoy what was. Instead of complaining and being critical about my marriage not matching the tales of old, worn out, story books, I had a change of attitude and decided to be thankful for the story that the Lord had already written on my heart.

When I came to the realization that marriage was not a one-sided adventure, but rather a partnership in the Lord, God’s joy began to fill my weary soul, “the joy of the Lord is your strength.” Nehemiah 8:10b (NIV)

Wives, what visions and dreams do you have for your marriage? Are they aligned with the will of the Lord? With your husband, seek guidance in prayer and reading the Lord’s word, remember that God’s ways are always better than our own.


  1. It took me a long time to realize that myself. In fact, I still struggle with it and need frequent reminders. So thanks for giving me this one!

  2. Love this! It wasn’t until I realized that myself that our marriage began to improve as well. Little did I know how much my perspective and expectations was destroying something special that God had given me, a specifically designed blessing made just for me! Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own ideas of what life should be that we set aside God’s perfect plans in thinking we know better. I know first hand the destruction that can cause in relationships. This is so refreshing to read. Our role as wives is to nurture, love, support, be a “helpmeet” to our husbands. I resisted that, kicking and screaming at times! I wish I had known earlier what this blog states so succinctly! Thanks for the great post! :) I’m passing it on! This is a great way to minister to other married women! :)

  3. Liz~
    Thank you so much for your kind words and for stopping by A Biblical Marriage today. I agree our role is to be our husband’s “helpmeet”. When we assume our God given roles within marriage it turns into such a beautiful gift! Thank you for passing on the post!


  4. Jamie~
    You are so very welcome! Have a wonderful day!


  5. I’m so thankful that even though I got married young, I did not go into marriage thinking like this! Thank God for my wonderful daddy who instilled in me a realistic, practical way of thinking. I knew marriage wasn’t going to be easy & didn’t expect my husband to be superman. That is not saying that it doesn’t occasionally slip in! Life if better when I love and adore my husband the way he is and go to Christ for fulfillment. :)

  6. Carly,
    That’s wonderful that you had a Godly example to look up to. I agree, Christ is the only place where we can find true fulfillment!


  7. Hi Shari! I just *had* to comment because we have the same name and spelled the same way, lol! If you’re like me, you find that to be kinda rare! Anyway, this is very insightful. We are in the middle of our eighth move in our seven and a half year marriage. In fact, he has moved to our new town and will be coming back to get us in a week. I find it so challenging to not lean on him and want him to fix all my problems. In a way, this move is actually teaching me this very lesson and many other lessons besides. Thanks for putting into words what I needed to hear!

  8. Shari~

    I agree it is very rare to find someone with the same name and spelled the same way! It’s nice to meet you. I will be praying for you and your family as you move. I’m so glad I was able to provide encourgement to you. It’s all about Jesus and following His will!


  9. Shari, first off, LOVE the picture of you and your husband! Second, this is something I struggle with often. I expect him to know my thoughts and know what I want and be able to “do all.” That is unfair of me. Thank you for this beautiful reminder.

  10. This is an excellent article and very encouraging to me! So timely. Keep up the sharing at Deep Roots At Home! What a blessing this will be to so many.

  11. Thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing the post!


  12. Jason Balmet says:

    Thank you for stopping by Jacqueline! We love your blog and love linking up!


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