By Shannon B, Contributing Writer
“How do you and Andrew bond and feel connected….besides making love?“
One of my best friends, only a few months into her marriage, stumped me with this question. It should have been so easy, but instead I stumbled over my words and ended up responding with a rather unhelpful, generic answer about spending time together. But her question made me think: how have we become so well-connected, and what can we do to continue bonding as husband and wife?
Creating an Unbreakable Bond in Marriage
1) Be Best Friends
While my initial answer was generic, I believe the idea behind it really was essential for marriage. My husband is truly my best friend. Since we were high school sweethearts, we had the privilege and burden of a long dating relationship. But our long, sweet dating relationship allowed us to get to know each other to an incredibly deep level before we ever entered into marriage. He is my support system and the one who makes me laugh when I need it most. I never get tired of spending time with him.
Take the time to get to know your spouse. Ask each other questions. Go on dates. Have deep conversations about beliefs, childhood memories, spirituality, politics, and other heavy topics you may have tiptoed around previously.
2) Live your faith together
“A threefold cord is not quickly broken.” Christ must be the center of any marriage. And when two believers come together with Christ, a powerful bond is formed. But this three-fold relationship must be nourished to thrive.
Just like a personal relationship with Christ, the marriage relationship also needs time in Scripture, prayer, and worship. Just going to church together on Sundays does not constitute a Christ-centered marriage. Find ways to worship the Lord together, whether that be through Bible study, discussions about sermons, musical worship, or intimate prayer. Value one another’s relationship with the Lord, and seek out ways to help each other grow spiritually.
3) Respect one another
I cannot emphasize this enough. Under no circumstances is it appropriate to degrade, harshly criticize, laugh at, or slander your spouse. Show respect to one another with your words, actions, and attitudes. Not only that, but show respect when speaking about your spouse to others, whether or not he or she is present.
4) Practice sacrificial love
My husband loves hockey. I do not (and he knows it). But I do love him. So, I choose to show love to him by trying my best to follow along with and engage in conversation about hockey with him.
I have found that many people choose to be distant or disengage with their spouses if there is a disparity in interests. Rather than allowing dissimilarities to come between you, embrace them! View your differences as an opportunity to learn something new and to practice sacrificial love.
I am much more happy with this answer than with my initial response. And while I believe that these basic principals would benefit any marriage, each couple is going to love and connect a little bit differently. For a more personalized look in how to bond with and show love to your spouse, check out the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Also check out A Biblical Marriage’s review of the book.
What about you? If someone asked you today how to bond and feel connected in marriage, how would you reply?
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This post is part of our Date Your Spouse series! The contributors here at A Biblical Marriage have teamed together to bring you 30 days of intentionally dating your spouse! To read more in this series visit the series home page.