Assumptions can be dangerous things

By Scott Morefield, Contributing Writer

As men we tend to want to fix things quick and ASSUME he know what she is thinking - but often this just leads to fights and miscommunication. The problem lies when we try and assume...

Image courtesy of [Ambro] / FreeDigitalPhotos.net 

My wife is a lucky gal. After all, she’s married to the guy who knows everything (that’s what she tells me anyway, and I assume it’s a compliment!). Yep, that’s me. I’ve apparently been a ‘know it all’ since my momma put my crib next to a dresser. To hear Mom tell the story, I scared her to death – but hey, what are four walls and a Winnie the Pooh mobile when you can have freedom (and a knot on the head, but that’s beside the point!).

Well, I don’t REALLY know everything (hey, don’t act so surprised!), but we guys sometimes tend to ACT like we do. That is, for a good portion of us anyway, at least until we’ve been married for a few weeks. However, hard as it may be to believe, there are some men who refuse to learn from experience (or much of anything else, for that matter). Some of us, instead of looking to Christ for a role model, look to the likes of Al Bundy instead.

Now I’ve made (and still make) more than my share of mistakes, to be sure, and I’m ashamed to say I’ve even made a FEW of the ones I’m going to list below. I’ve even known a few poor saps who have made most of these mistakes multiple times. IF they are still married, let’s just say ‘momma’s not happy’ very much and leave it at that. Since a smart man (and I am, occasionally…) learns from not only his own mistakes, but the mistakes of others, I’m going to list a few here, the things the ‘mister know-it-alls’ among us do over and over, based on the things he apparently assumes will make his lady happy (??).

News flash – they don’t, she’s not, and… WAKE UP!

Learning to Not Assume With Your Wife

Mister Know-It-All assumes (and we all know assumptions can be dangerous things!) that -

She loves it when he gets right to the root of their arguments so fast and tells her exactly why she is angry and why it’s silly. It makes her feel… understood.

She loves it when he knows exactly what to get her for her birthday without asking or even observing. After all, she surely would have never thought of or considered some of the awesome things he’s introduced her to (Dyson vacuums anyone??).

She appreciates it when he saves the family money by skipping useless holidays like Valentine’s Day and Mother’s Day. They may have little kids, but she ain’t HIS momma! (He does appreciate it, however, when his wife gets his mother something for Mother’s Day, but it’s not like it’s any kind of sacrifice since everyone knows women LOVE to shop!)

When he ‘listens’ to her talk about her problems at work (yeah, if anything THAT should earn him a medal!), then proceeds to tell her exactly how she needs to go about fixing them, usually without even letting her finish the story.

When he tries to save her calories at a restaurant by ordering water instead of tea. After all, she’s always complaining and saying she needs to lose some weight, so why not do his part to help?

When he’s brutally honest with her about how those particular clothes make her look. He thinks it’s pretty clear that God hates a liar. (Did I mention he can be an amateur theologian when it suits his  purposes?)

When he takes charge of the remote control and gives her a sampling of not just one show, but EVERY show that’s on. Who knows the cool stuff she would have missed just leaving on Lifetime and Hallmark all those years! Plus, let’s face it, those channels are just plain BOOORRRRING! (You guessed it – this is one of the ones I’ve made and still make, but I’m still NOT apologizing for it! :) )

Since the Bible clearly says the older should teach the younger (there’s that ‘amateur theologian’ again!), that means he should take every possible opportunity to tell her how his Mother does things!

When he tells her that itty bitty extra ingredient that would have made the meal she cooked even better. It doesn’t mean what she’s cooked is bad, but hey, nobody’s perfect, right?

When he points out the places she inadvertently missed while cleaning the house. Wouldn’t anyone want to know this? After all, the Bible does say that iron should sharpen iron (by now our ‘amateur theologian’ is probably burning at the stake…).

When, after a stressful day at home with the kids, he saunters in from work and proceeds to ask her what she’s been doing all day. Most everyone could use SOME help with their time-management skills, right?

We could go on and on with all this – the moral of the story is, guys who seek to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it, those guys not only get the moral and spiritual satisfaction out of doing what is right, they also tend to spend a LOT less time in the doghouse!

Comments

  1. Ha ha! Made me chuckle! Thanks for sharing this with husbands out there – wives will be thanking you all over the place.

  2. Thanks, Sarah! Sometimes we learn the easy way, sometimes the hard way! :)

  3. I think as wives, we too can fall into assumptions and fasle expectaions that our husbands should already know how we would want something, then end up with hurt feelings. Realistically, we shouldn’t expect them to read our mind, and already intuitively know what we want or think. I think either way it’s important to clearly and lovingly communicate your desires/intentions.

  4. Jason Balmet says:

    Totally Laura!! Maybe I need to write a post about this from the woman’s point of view! Yes, men need to learn how to lovingly communicate with their wives but wives too need to NOT be manipulative and learn to not have unrealistic expectations!

    Thanks Laura! :)

  5. Jason Balmet says:

    Whoops – This is JAMI haha…I guess I’m logged into my husband’s account ;)

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